We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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