When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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