It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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