She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
