break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
