i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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