Nicole vs. Life
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
