i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
