I wish i was in the wii world.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
