I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
