I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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