Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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