currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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