Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this will be a night to untag.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
