I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
