I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize