i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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