wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
