Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
