drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this will be a night to untag.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
