he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
