chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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