It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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