There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
