He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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