I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
