This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
