Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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