At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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