Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
