After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
