i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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