Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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