Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
