Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
