Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
