He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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