i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
