the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
