He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I party with great urgency now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
