laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
