I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
