True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
