It's Friday. Sex?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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