I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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