He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
