My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
