i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ladies don't puke and tell
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
