I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
