so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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